It is what it is

Accepting situations as they are is always a difficult task. It's easy enough for me to say "don't get upset about the things you can't change" but it's much more difficult to actually live life with that mentality. For example, sitting in traffic is often frustrating and stressful, but what are you going to do about it? You can't move all the cars out of your way. You could have left earlier, but now it's too late, you're sitting in traffic, so why be upset? All this stress does is hurt you, so there's really no point in it.

But, honestly, I could tell you this till I'm blue in the face and chances are, you won't just change your whole perspective by tomorrow. In fact, chances are high that you probably don't know how to actually keep from getting upset or frustrated at situations you can do nothing about. 

A lot of the time, people just assume that telling yourself to calm down is actually going to work. We think that being calm and content is all about self-control, when in fact it's all about finding peace.

Here's how to do that:

While sitting in traffic, play a little game with yourself. Start to make a mental list of all the things you notice. Stuff like:

That car is green, the driver is a female, the other car is red, they seem to have wrecked it recently, the driver is young, there's a white car in front of me, the license plate is from Utah, the dotted white lines on my right are curving slightly to the left, the cement barrier has a lot of scratches and stains on it, etc....

This little game is called being mindful. Focusing only on what's around you. There'll be another post soon to come about being mindful, but this is a really good start to it.

Other situations can be a bit more tricky than something like just sitting in traffic or waiting for a friend to arrive who is running late. Other times, the situation is a bit more serious but you still can't do anything about it. For example, you might have a friend or family member who smokes but is refusing to quit. You can only try so long before you simply have to accept that it's never going to change. And this is a trick that you can only teach yourself. There's no game, no textbook way of "getting over" something like that. But taking on the stress of trying to convince a loved one to quit such an addicting habit can kill you just as fast as those cigarettes are killing them. That's not to say don't try at all, but after so long, it's time. It is what it is and clearly, there's nothing you can do about it. You can't make other people's decisions for them.

It's hard to look at situations like that as anything but giving up on them, but you're not. You're stepping back and letting them take care of them so that you can take care of you. By now they know that if they ever need you, you're there, but you have to just accept the situation for what it is and focus on your own wellness.

Back to something a little lighter, school and testing. If you get to the testing center (or wherever it is you're going to take your test) and you are really stressed out because you don't think you know enough, there's nothing you can do about it then. The best way to get a high score in a situation like that is to calm down, clear your mind, and realize that all you can do is the best you can. If you're stressing and panicking, you're going to have an even harder time accessing the memory and critical thinking skills that you do have regarding the subject. But staying calm and just doing your best will get you through with a higher score. No matter what happens during or after the test, it is what it is. It's too late to change anything and failing a class really won't kill you. Not that it's fun to fail a class, but there's worse things that could happen. So just do your best, and know that it is what it is. 

In the end, if there's nothing you can do about it, you might as well accept it.